stay in love

let’s hope i make it through this post. i had needed more time to deal with my demons, making sense of how my love for Akina and her music, when confronted with the irrational fucktards (please pardon my lingo. i’m not one who mince my words) has been the single source of my torment lately.

when i asked to be left alone, i meant it Kenji. why can’t you do that for me? i feel violated. pushed into a corner. i can’t breathe cos i can’t make sense of it all. how can this turn out to be sucha melodrama?

re: my decision to call it quits. a part of me immersed in regret right after those seething words, fueled by grave disappointment and raging anger, were penned. why did i find it so darn difficult to stand for my own beliefs? why do i have to justify my actions? why do i have to answer and bow to others’ selfishness/cowardice/whatever shite it is? why do i have to leave the baby i set up? what about the other fans who genuinely appreciate the work that has gone into this site? and then there are the friendships and acquaintances that have been forged and possible only through this site? what happened to my lofty aspirations of reassigning the pop queen pedestal to Akina again? who’s going to connect the very dispersed (and disconnected) fans from all over the world?

i was about to tender a firm resignation from this site after being further antagonised tonight over Kenji’s relentless revisiting of this matter which would have been better left alone. when i’m pushed into a corner, i don’t bite nor lash out, nor defend myself. i scald myself with hot boiling water. this is who i am. i’m the type who will bear and inflict hurt upon myself, so i spend the next 24 hours trying to find my way through hell so i can feel better.

just before wrapping up the email and clicking on the send button, Pearl’s email came through. this is playing out just like your typical tv series. i’ve received a few personal notes from you guys (thanks Patrick, CJ, Jamez; it’s nice to know that you put my wellbeing before the fate of this site; as for the rest, i’ll take your inaction as giving me space so i must thank you too) but Pearl’s came in with immaculate precision. reading her email calmed me down and i knew with the negative energy in remission, i had a window of opportunity and strength to hit on that VAMP bookmark glaring at me on my browser toolbar. i read through the comments, and am deeply, immensely touched.

wow. where have you guys been? does it take a kamikaze attempt to hear from someone? thanks for sharing your experience with VAMP. for the first time, i know we’re not running this blog for our own enjoyment per se. we are doing actual constructive work in uniting Akina fans, propagating Akina’s great music and voice to all corners of the world, and stimulating sales so she can rehash less of her wardrobe. nice. very nice.

penning this is cathartic at the very least and i hope this is a small step for me in eating my words. there are genuine discerning Akina fans out there worth writing for.

Kenji Tan, this doesn’t mean you’ll get away scot free. i’ll strangle you before you get to feast on my Ah Mah’s pork chop next week.

thanks everyone for making this coming out party a roaring success. see, my sense of humour is still intact.

if you’ll excuse me, i need to beg Live365 not to cancel the radio account. 


Akina fanboy since 14. Still undecided which are his top ten favourite Akina tracks as it's mission impossible. Digs "Everlasting Love" a whole lot more than the average Akina fan.

12 thoughts on “stay in love

  1. Applause….
    thanks Danny Bunny!!
    and thanks Pearl for your touching words!!
    and thanks Akina!!

  2. Dear Friends!!!!!!!!

    You make me smile again…hohoemi o..
    You make me love again…mo ichi do

    (apologies if my spelling is off or if I got the lyrics wrong.)

    Thanks so much! I don’t understand the conflict exactly but I’m sorry that it seems to be a very hurtful thing.

    Please ask for support if you need it. 🙂 🙂

  3. Hi Danny and VAMP crew.

    Thanks for putting up such a good site. I like to read about "My girl" Akina in English. I recently moved to the San Francisco, CA bay area and found out that Akina did a show here a year before I moved. I was searching for her show schedule to see if she was coming back when I found this site. It has been one of my Opera tabs ever since.

    I have been an Akina fan since the days of CCB and Checkers did the weekly top ten tv shows with her. I had no idea how much music she released. I like her work better as she got older and her voice changed.

    This is a great site for Akina fans. Keep up the good work.

    Ted from Alameda, California

  4. お帰りなさい。I hope that I hadn’t been to persistent as well with my emails but because John needs time to sort out his own demons (like the way you do), I can understand the need for space. Hopefully, Kenji will learn his lesson though I don’t think we need to be too hard on him. We love you still, Kenji chan.

    Pearl’s note moved me plenty as well, knowing that her 65 year old Dad is learning Japanese so that he can understand Akina better. God!! Just when we thought that she can’t garner any new fans, we get a barrage of emails and support from people that we have never ever heard from.

    Like Danny said, Thank you all for your comments and support because it means a lot to us and it is proof to the fuckwits that we might have a bigger fanbase than some of them too (mind my language). We are here to stay and we will prove to be better and stronger!!!

  5. Ted,

    Akina did a show in San Francisco?????? When? I would have tried to go for sure if I knew about it and bought whatever she had like programs etc. Can I scream now?!

  6. Thanks Danny, finally you stay here with us!!
    \(^ ^\) (/^ ^)/
    I have uploaded the Live2006 on UTube and would like to share with the Akina Fans here (whose can’t watch inside Japan), but I’m not sure is it appropriate to post the link here …

  7. Welcome back!!

    Danny – As much as I gave you some space, I was very nervous during all these two weeks. I’m glad that you feel better.

    Akina has such a large fan base so I’m not surprised that her fans are difference. There is no need for us to convince anyone. We do our things and hope it will bring the best result to both Akina and her fans.

    Like other, I’m happy to help to keep this website run as well.

    Welcome back!!

  8. Danny, it’s great to have you back!

    Your efforts (and those of everyone else as well) toward making VAMP what it is are deeply appreciated, even if you weren’t aware just how much.

    Stay the course everyone.

  9. Hurray!!!!! I am so glad! And I’m sure a lot of us feel the same way I do. Sorry it took me so long to say thank you, which I should have done a long time ago.

    Ah, and you know what… I saw this pirated DVD of Akina’s 2005 concert for sale in a Chinese mall. I was ecstatic. Of course, I did NOT buy it. I’ve got the legit version. Yet, I am so happy to know that there is a market for it. And I got two more Akina’s CD’s over the weekend (legit and Japanese version too).

    It’s all good now…. Danny is back… I got more Akina’s stuff. What more can I ask for?

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